Oh $35 Groupon how you mock my quest for weight loss... Remember how I advised that before purchasing a Groupon some independent research should be done? I did not take my own advice.
I arrived at the appointment having followed two days of a no meat, no dairy, light carbs diet. I'm not sure what I expected, but when I saw the treatment room I was terrified. The table looked like a mad scientist had taken his knowledge of gynecological tables, toilets and general plumbing and created this Frankenstein. The idea is this: one would lie on their back on top of this table, knees bent and elevated as if sitting in a chair and with a small spicket in their ass. Water enters the colon through the spicket and fills it. When the "patient" feels like they have to push (move their bowels) they do so and the waste is washed into clear plumbing tubes so you can watch your troubles (and that gum you swallowed in 6th grade) wash away.
Maybe I am just too anally retentive to shit anywhere but a toilet, but I just couldn't do it. The office was very nice and the technician sweet, but there was no way I was going to get on that table and allow watery poop to come out of my butt in a strange place around someone I have just met. I just could not work out how I was going to get the poopy tube from my butt, how do you clean up a "shit storm" on your ass without a shower, do you keep leaking poo when you get off the table? These are questions I am not prepared to answer.
I did not ask for a refund. I was just so glad to be leaving. Now when tells me I am "full of shit" I smile and agree!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Guy Smiley, spokesperson- Zoom! Teeth Whitening
I purchased a Groupon for Zoom! Teeth Whitening for $149. I was very excited about his one. I sort of thought at first my teeth would be so white they would glow in black light like Ross from Friends... no such luck.
The office was lovely and the technician was very nice. The procedure however, not so pleasant. Here's the process: 1- lips are help open with a plastic device, 2- back teeth hold a spacer so your top and bottom teeth are slightly apart, 3- lips are covered with paper for their protection, 4- stinging good is spread over your teeth, 5- glasses are placed over eyes for protection, 6- a laser is placed close to your mouth... for about an hour. I was allowed to watch TV. Then, after the first hour, more gel is applied and the laser is placed back against your chompers for another 30 minutes. At the end of the additional 30 minutes, you can go for an additional 30 or end the session for extra whitening. I chose to end the session because I was so uncomfortable. During the procedure, some gel touched my lip and it became swollen and eventually turned into a sore. I was told that I could only have clear or white foods for the next 2 days. I didn't mind this too much as my teeth hurt so badly I didn't want to eat anything at all.
Nobody warned me about the pain. I was very satisfied with the results even now, over a month later. A word of warning, if you are having this done for a special event, do it 1 to 2 weeks before the event. Nobody wants to wince in pain when the mini quiche goes around, however downing straight vodka at the next family gathering in place of your usually glass of red wine could be entertaining.
The office was lovely and the technician was very nice. The procedure however, not so pleasant. Here's the process: 1- lips are help open with a plastic device, 2- back teeth hold a spacer so your top and bottom teeth are slightly apart, 3- lips are covered with paper for their protection, 4- stinging good is spread over your teeth, 5- glasses are placed over eyes for protection, 6- a laser is placed close to your mouth... for about an hour. I was allowed to watch TV. Then, after the first hour, more gel is applied and the laser is placed back against your chompers for another 30 minutes. At the end of the additional 30 minutes, you can go for an additional 30 or end the session for extra whitening. I chose to end the session because I was so uncomfortable. During the procedure, some gel touched my lip and it became swollen and eventually turned into a sore. I was told that I could only have clear or white foods for the next 2 days. I didn't mind this too much as my teeth hurt so badly I didn't want to eat anything at all.
Nobody warned me about the pain. I was very satisfied with the results even now, over a month later. A word of warning, if you are having this done for a special event, do it 1 to 2 weeks before the event. Nobody wants to wince in pain when the mini quiche goes around, however downing straight vodka at the next family gathering in place of your usually glass of red wine could be entertaining.
Best Facial
I purchased a $50 Groupn for a facial and paraffin hand treatment. It was offered at the office of a local dermatologist. The technician was nice and pleasant, the office was clean and bright and the service, though very clinical rather than spa like, was great!
Because we were in a dermatologist's office the technician was able to use a mini lancet to cut my skin and remove the milia, small white pearly bumps in clogged pores. It pinched, but did not hurt and I did notice some redness afterwards, but it was worth it. Two days later, my skin was healed and clear.
Additionally, going to this office allowed me to meet with the dermatologist who removed (via electric needle) a blood blister under my eye that I had for years. I had consulted two other dermatologists about this procedure, but always avoided having this service done because the procedure was not covered by insurance and the cost was $500. This dermatologist charged me $150 and even allowed me to return to the office for an additional treatment (of the same area) free of charge.
Because of Groupon I now have a new dermatologist who I trust!
Because we were in a dermatologist's office the technician was able to use a mini lancet to cut my skin and remove the milia, small white pearly bumps in clogged pores. It pinched, but did not hurt and I did notice some redness afterwards, but it was worth it. Two days later, my skin was healed and clear.
Additionally, going to this office allowed me to meet with the dermatologist who removed (via electric needle) a blood blister under my eye that I had for years. I had consulted two other dermatologists about this procedure, but always avoided having this service done because the procedure was not covered by insurance and the cost was $500. This dermatologist charged me $150 and even allowed me to return to the office for an additional treatment (of the same area) free of charge.
Because of Groupon I now have a new dermatologist who I trust!
My Hair Removal Addiction Began with a Groupon
One of the first Groupons I purchased was for 3 Laser Hair Removal Session for a small area. When I saw this Groupon I thought, "for $99, I'll never have to shave my under arms ever again!" Bargain!
Wrong! First, laser hair removal is considered semi-permanent and requires a follow up treatment twice a year after the initial treatment sessions are complete. Second, three session are not enough to achieve a semi hair free state. Here was my first Groupon lesson: do some independent research about what you are thinking of buying. For example, before purchasing a service that requires more than one session to achieve the desired affect, find out how many sessions it should take. Needless to say, after 3 painful sessions with a stone age laser my pits are still caveman-tastic and in need of a weekly date with a razor. The amount of hair that has grown back, post 3 treatments, seems the same as before the services.
How does laser hair removal work you say? Well, I have been told by several laser hair removal technicians that the light from the laser travels up the dark hair and to the root. When the light reaches the root, it explodes and/or damages the follicle. The damaged follicle can no longer grow hair. In order for this to happen the hair must be dark all the way to the root or the light will cease to travel up the shaft and the light dissipates leaving the root and follicle perfectly healthy to continue growing hair. I have also learned that 6 session with a more modern laser should be more effective for semi permanent hair removal.
I don't care too much about aesthetics, but this service provider's treatment room was in a closet, inside a hair salon at the mall... we both barely fit in this super tiny room. The laser was so old the technician spread a cooling gel on my skin and I had to aim a cooling air hose toward my pit as the technician was laser-ing to lessen the pain and the smell of burning hair. The service provider was also very hard to get a hold of when it came time to book appointments. My last appointment was cancelled 90 minutes before the appointment time. I tried to rebook with the following week and I could not get a call back for over 2 weeks. Not a pleasant experience. But laser hair removal doesn't have to be this way!
Ah, knowledge is power! I have since purchased a Groupon for 6 laser hair removal sessions for a medium area ($149). This Goupon is with a different business and the medium area I chose to have treated is the Brazilian bikini zone. I have had my first session and I have to say- this experience, though on a more sensitive area, is less painful and more effective. The equipment this technician uses is a much newer model of laser which has a cooling mechanism in the tip with the laser. I can promise minimal pain, because I can think of no more sensitive an area that the ham wallet.
Additionally, I have purchased a Groupon for 6 laser hair removal sessions for a small area ($99). And shall begin the continuing battle with my pit hair this Saturday!
Wrong! First, laser hair removal is considered semi-permanent and requires a follow up treatment twice a year after the initial treatment sessions are complete. Second, three session are not enough to achieve a semi hair free state. Here was my first Groupon lesson: do some independent research about what you are thinking of buying. For example, before purchasing a service that requires more than one session to achieve the desired affect, find out how many sessions it should take. Needless to say, after 3 painful sessions with a stone age laser my pits are still caveman-tastic and in need of a weekly date with a razor. The amount of hair that has grown back, post 3 treatments, seems the same as before the services.
How does laser hair removal work you say? Well, I have been told by several laser hair removal technicians that the light from the laser travels up the dark hair and to the root. When the light reaches the root, it explodes and/or damages the follicle. The damaged follicle can no longer grow hair. In order for this to happen the hair must be dark all the way to the root or the light will cease to travel up the shaft and the light dissipates leaving the root and follicle perfectly healthy to continue growing hair. I have also learned that 6 session with a more modern laser should be more effective for semi permanent hair removal.
I don't care too much about aesthetics, but this service provider's treatment room was in a closet, inside a hair salon at the mall... we both barely fit in this super tiny room. The laser was so old the technician spread a cooling gel on my skin and I had to aim a cooling air hose toward my pit as the technician was laser-ing to lessen the pain and the smell of burning hair. The service provider was also very hard to get a hold of when it came time to book appointments. My last appointment was cancelled 90 minutes before the appointment time. I tried to rebook with the following week and I could not get a call back for over 2 weeks. Not a pleasant experience. But laser hair removal doesn't have to be this way!
Ah, knowledge is power! I have since purchased a Groupon for 6 laser hair removal sessions for a medium area ($149). This Goupon is with a different business and the medium area I chose to have treated is the Brazilian bikini zone. I have had my first session and I have to say- this experience, though on a more sensitive area, is less painful and more effective. The equipment this technician uses is a much newer model of laser which has a cooling mechanism in the tip with the laser. I can promise minimal pain, because I can think of no more sensitive an area that the ham wallet.
Additionally, I have purchased a Groupon for 6 laser hair removal sessions for a small area ($99). And shall begin the continuing battle with my pit hair this Saturday!
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